Even in the face of unresolved roles of our boys and girls
By Lady Juliet Onyinye Chukwueloka
In many parts of our society today — particularly within the Igbo people — it is often said, either openly or silently, that certain duties belong to men while others are reserved for women. From childhood, girls are carefully trained to sweep, cook, wash, care for younger ones, and endure. Boys, on the other hand, are frequently given more freedom, fewer domestic expectations, and less structured responsibility within the home.
This pattern is not always intentional. It is cultural, it is inherited, or it is familiar. But the question we must ask ourselves is: does this method of raising our children truly prepare both genders for the realities of adulthood? Before answering that, it is important to briefly understand feminism in its proper context. Feminism, at its core, is not about rebellion against men or rejection of culture. It is about fairness and balance. It advocates that women should not be limited by stereotypes or denied opportunities simply because of their gender. True feminism calls for responsibility, dignity, and equal moral standards — not superiority. When we examine how children are raised, we begin to see why this conversation matters.
In many homes, a girl is corrected quickly if she fails in her duties. She is reminded that “a woman must know how to manage a home.” She learns early that responsibility defines her worth. Meanwhile, a boy may be excused with phrases like “he is a man” or “boys will always be boys.” He is rarely told that managing a home, caring for children, or supporting family life is also part of his future role. Over time, this imbalance produces visible results.
Many young women grow up disciplined, organized, and accustomed to responsibility. They become dependable adults because they were trained to be so. Some young men, however, struggle with accountability because they were not consistently taught that responsibility is masculine too. This is not a biological weakness; it is a social training gap.
Raising boys and girls with equal values does not mean erasing natural differences. It means teaching both children that responsibility, empathy, discipline, and hard work are human virtues — not gendered ones. A boy who learns to clean his space, care for siblings, and respect women grows into a responsible husband and father. A girl who is encouraged to lead, think critically, and pursue ambition grows into a confident contributor to society.
Our Igbo culture values strength, dignity, and communal progress. If we truly desire strong families and stable communities, then responsibility must be shared, not assigned unfairly. The future of our society depends not only on well-trained daughters but also on well-raised sons. When boys and girls are raised with equal expectations, the home becomes a place of partnership rather than pressure. Marriages become healthier. Parenting becomes cooperative. Society becomes balanced.
Feminism, in this context, is simply a call for fairness in upbringing. It reminds us that preparing only one gender for responsibility while excusing the other creates imbalance in adulthood. If we want men who do not run from responsibility, then we must train them from childhood to embrace it.
The solution begins in our homes. Teach the boy to cook. Teach the girl to lead. Correct both with equal firmness. Praise both for equal diligence. When responsibility becomes a shared value rather than a female burden, we will raise a generation that understands that maturity is not determined by gender — it is determined by character. And character, when properly nurtured, strengthens families, communities, and our nation as a whole.
Lady Juliet Onyinye Chukwueloka
